The End of the Universe for just one Decent meal
by The Insanities
Summary: Where's the one place you would go for the best meal and the final show of all time? Milliways, of course.
1. The Chocolate Biscuits

The End of the Universe for just one Decent meal 

By The Insanities

~*~*~*~

Okay, if you haven't read The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, you will probably get none of this, make that a lot of none of this. Unfortunately that also includes Jynethe and Finarfëwen… so when they read this they're gonna say 'what the hell, Mithborien'.

Oh well, they do that anyway…

Oh and the disclaimer. Anything that has to do with the Restaurant, especially Max's show, or the End of the Universe has nothing to do with me but rather comes from the genius of Douglas Adams. However this whacked out story was created by me, Mithborien and I will get really annoyed if you try to pass it off as your own. At least give me something in return for it. Money is always good… 

Oh yeah, you might wanna read the prologue to all this which explains a lot. It's called 'We don't need a title' and can be found on our bio page.

For everyone whose read Hitchhiker's I just wanna remind you all of this quote by Zaphod Beeblebrox, made me laugh reading it again.

"Shee, you guys are so unhip it's a wonder your bums don't fall off."

~*~*~*~

The Chocolate biscuits 

~*~*~*~

"That is it! I have had it!"

            Mithborien slammed the fridge door shut so hard some of the magnets fell off. She ignored the sign saying 'I don't do mornings', and instead stormed out of what passed for the kitchen in the Tardis. They are still renovating after all. She strode up to Command and kicked open the door, which is quite an accomplishment considering it only slides open.

            She entered the room to be confronted with two revolving, giggling whirls of what appeared to be Jynethe and Finarfëwen having spinning races on the motorised chairs in Command.

            With an evil smile Mithborien pressed a button on a control panel that was conveniently placed close by. With a whine the two chairs ground to a halt causing both Jynethe and Finarfëwen to fall out of then with a shriek. And by fall, I mean thrown into the air then descending rapidly towards the ground resulting in a collision of moving human (well, close enough) flesh and immobile, inert metal floor with resultant pain. And by shriek, I mean bloodthirsty screams that could curdle milk…

            While it's still in the cow…

            "Right, now that I have your attention," Mithborien said as she looked benignly at the two ruffled lumps that made up sixty six and two thirds percent of The Insanities.

            "You could have said something!" Finarfëwen groaned as she stood up wobbling.

            "Yes, I could have. However I had a point in doing that."

            "It'd better be a good one," said Jynethe as she finally managed to stand up without wincing. "Cause that hurt."

            "Well, yes, that was my point."

            Jynethe and Finarfëwen tried to roll their eyes, but due to the fact that they were still dizzy from spinning around they promptly fell over again.

            "Now," Mithborien said when they had regained their feet again, "I have a question." She took a deep breath then bellowed, "WHO THE HELL ATE ALL OF MY **CHOCOLATE BISCUITS**?"

            Both Jynethe and Finarfëwen had the sense to look equally abashed.

            Mithborien nodded, her eyes furious. "Right, so it was both of you!"

            Jynethe looked away, while Finarfëwen attempted to explain herself. "Hey, I didn't see your name on them."

            "Whadya call this." Mithborien thrust the empty biscuit packet under Finarfëwen's nose where the name 'Mithborien' was clearly visible in purple ink on a yellow Post-It note followed by 'KEEP YA MITS OFF!'.

            "Oh, my mistake then."

            Mithborien did something that was partly a growl and partly a sigh then threw the packet over her head.

            "THAT IS IT!" she yelled.

            "What is?" Jynethe asked.

            "That, obviously," replied Finarfëwen.

            Meanwhile, Mithborien had sat down in the central command chair and began twiddling with the buttons and knobs in front of her.

            "Uh, what are you doing?" Finarfëwen inquired hesitantly while Jynethe attempted to sidle closer to see what was happening.

            "I am tired," Mithborien said in a determined voice as she continued to manipulate the controls, "of there being no food on this ship. So for once, just once, I want a decent meal. So that is where I am going, to get one."

            "And where is that exactly?" Jynethe asked.

            "The Restaurant at the End of the Universe."


	2. Arrival

The End of the Universe for just one Decent meal 

By The Insanities

~*~*~*~

Arrival 

~*~*~*~

"Ow! That was my foot!"

            "That was my head!"

            "This was a really great idea, Mithborien!"

            "Oh shut up!"

            "Where are we?"

            With a sickening jerk the front door to the Tardis was wrenched open causing The Insanities to fall out with more shrieks. 

            After Mithborien had finished with the controls, the Tardis had gone into a weird spin of astronomical proportions and an all-consuming blackness, although that might have been because the lights had gone out again. In the confusing darkness the three had managed to make their way to the entry corridor of the Tardis. Although this was an accident as Finarfëwen and Jynethe were attempting to strangle Mithborien while she was attempting to get away from them, very, very fast. Consequently all three had fallen against the entry door to the Tardis when it finally stopped moving.

            "God damn it," said Finarfëwen hazily. "Three knocks to the head in one day is more than enough, puh-lease."

            She stood up and shook her head, nearly causing her to fall over again. She rubbed her eyes then took a look around. After she had done that she rubbed her eyes again and took another, longer look around.

            "Right," she said slowly. "It's still there."

            "What is?" asked Jynethe as she too got to her feet and looked around. Her eyes widened. "Oh, I see. Mithborien?"

            "What?" Mithborien replied sharply as she finally made herself vertical. The other two had landed on her. She looked around then looked at the other two. "So what?"

            Jynethe and Finarfëwen looked flabbergasted as they both gestured loosely to their surroundings. Mithborien looked at them weirdly before taking another look around.

            They were standing in a long rectangular room with a marble floor that had an inlaid eye-crossing pattern stretched across it. Flashy looking chandeliers hung from a low vaulted ceiling that was painted a deep turquoise. Concealed mood lighting emphasised the colour, as well as the eight-yard-long marble-topped bar whose fronting consisted of nearly twenty thousand Antarean Mosaic Lizard skins stitched together-

            "Hey, wait a moment," Jynethe interrupted. "Antarean Mosaic Lizard skins?"

            Mithborien nodded.

            "How do you know that?" Finarfëwen asked.

            Mithborien shrugged. "I just do… hey, how did you know what I was thinking?" she demanded suspiciously of Jynethe.

            "You weren't thinking," Jynethe responded. "You were writing it. Simple enough for me to read it."

            "Oh."

            "That still doesn't explain where we are?" Finarfëwen wailed.

            "We're at Milliways," Mithborien said patiently.

            "That explains nothing!" Finarfëwen wailed again.

            "Nice chandeliers though," Jynethe commented thoughtfully.

            "What?"

            "Although, I'm a little worried about that turquoise col- Arrgh!"

            Mithborien turned sharply at Jynethe's scream, consequently getting another dizzy head rush. When her vision returned to normal, she realised what Jynethe had screamed at.

            A small, wizened dark-suited green waiter who was unmistakably alien had approached the three and was now waiting patiently for their attention.

            Finarfëwen, however, was gripping her attention like a scythe and under no circumstance was she about to give it up. "That is IT!" she screamed. "Where are we, who the frell are you…" She looked down, "and _what_ am I wearing?"

            It was at that moment that she realised she was dressed a floor length purple gown with white bands wrapping around the bodice and one split purple sleeve that grazed the floor as well.

            Taking her hint, Jynethe also looked down to see that she too, was not in her usual clothes. She wore a calf length, off white dress with contrasting charcoal trims on the neck and waist and see through veils of the same colour covering her arms. She shifted uneasily on charcoal platform sandals that tied half way up her leg. "Why are we dressed like this?" She paused and thought for a moment. "Scratch that, how are we dressed like this?"

            Mithborien didn't answer. She was too busy looking at the sparkling blue dress she wore. Beaded armbands joined to a jewelled bodice that flowed into a sheer organza skirt that split up to her thigh. She spun around on stilettos. "Wow, this is a great dress."

            "Mithborien!"

            "What?" she shouted back at Jynethe.

            "How… Why? What… Where… Who…"

            "Heh hem," the green waiter coughed politely. "If I may interrupt, on many occasions customers have been disorientated by the time journey."

            "What?" Jynethe exclaimed. "What time journey?"

            "This _is_ the Restaurant at the End of the Universe. It would be a little inconvenient to wait for the End by the normal progression of time."

            "End of what?"

            "The universe, of course."

            "Wait," Finarfëwen interrupted. "You're telling us we're going to see the end of the universe, _this _universe!"

            "Yes."

            "But won't we be KILLED!"

            "Killed?" the waiter looked indignant. "Of course not. This is a five star restaurant; our customers receive the highest service and always will. After the show you will be returned to your own time-"

            "How?"

            "_How?_" Mithborien repeated in surprise. "How hard did you hit your head?"

            "Which time?" Finarfëwen asked. "There were three of them."

            "Any, cause you must have hit your head pretty hard to forget that we do have the Tardis, the ship that can travel through time. Remember?"

            "Of course I remember but I've never remembered going through time to the end of freakin' _time_ itself before."

            "Well there's a first time for everything," Mithborien said loftily turning towards the waiter.

            "Heh _hem_," the waiter interrupted again, his cough a little less polite. "If you would like to continue this conversation over drinks before your dinner-"

            "Dinner?" Jynethe asked.

            "Drinks?" Finarfëwen asked at the same time.

            "Yes," the green waiter said tight-lipped. "If you would care to follow me…" He swept a hand behind him where several smartly dressed people or rather creatures were drinking a wide variety of drinks as they lounged against the bar or relaxing in body hugging chairs surrounding it. "You may order drinks here and your table should be ready shortly."


	3. Drinks

The End of the Universe for just one Decent meal 

By The Insanities

~*~*~*~

Drinks 

~*~*~*~

"Now, this is style," Mithborien said as she relaxed back into the luxurious chair near the bar. "I don't know why I didn't think of this before."

            "Yeah, why didn't you?" Finarfëwen said as she too sat down, placing a tray of drinks on a table in front of them.

            Mithborien glared at her. "I had other things on my mind, like people getting blown out of ships, thank you very much." She reached forward and picked up a drink. "Always wanted to try one of these." She took a sip.

            "What is it?" Jynethe asked, as she too sat down, stretching out her legs, admiring her shoes.

            Mithborien gagged as she swallowed with a degree of difficulty. About 84.268º actually, if you want to get precise. "Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster," she managed to gasp out.

            "Wuss," Finarfëwen jeered, grabbing the glass. "It can be that bad, after all you don't even like fizzy drinks."

( Yes it's true; the real alter ego of Mithborien doesn't like fizzy drinks, any of them, horrible stuff, the fizz. )

            Finarfëwen took a gulp of the drink and promptly spat it out again, managing to knock over a couple of the drinks of the tray in process.

            "See?" Mithborien told her smugly.

            "Nope, but I sure… do… taste…"

            All three of them watched as one of the drinks Finarfëwen knocked over, frothed, and then proceeded to eat through the metal tray and into the table.

            "Hmm, maybe that's enough drinks," said Jynethe as she gently eased the glass out of Finarfëwen's hand and placed it on the tray. "You have some explaining to do, Mithborien."

            "Me?"

            "Yes, you."

            "Of what?"

            "Of all this. Where the hell are we?"

            Mithborien sat up. "I told you. So did the waiter. We're at Milliways - the Restaurant at the End of the Universe."

            Both Jynethe and Finarfëwen flung out their hands as if to say '_and?_'.

            Mithborien sighed. "Okay, here's how it goes. The Restaurant at the End of the Universe is one of the most extraordinary ventures in the entire history of catering."      

            "You sound like you're quoting from a book," Finarfëwen commented.

            "I probably am. Basically it was built on the remains of a ruined planet, well, eventually it will be ruined, Frogstar World B if I remember correctly, and thrown into the future in a vast time bubble to exactly when the universe is ending."

            "Won't the restaurant be destroyed then?" Jynethe asked.

            "Well, no because the restaurant just keeps going back in time to the start of the end of the universe, I think. Look I didn't come up with all this, so I'm not precisely sure how it works, but I know it works. All you have to do is deposit one penny in a savings account in your own time then when you arrive here, your meal is already paid for by the operation of compound interest."

            "But we never opened any savings account," pointed out Finarfëwen.

            "Well, think about it. We obviously did."

            "How?" Jynethe asked.

            "Well, we arrive here, find out our meal isn't paid for, so we go back and open the savings account, come back and the meal and show is paid for. Simple as that."

            "What show?" Jynethe asked.

            "The End of Time, Life, the Universe and Everything. What else?"

            "So we're are actually going to see the universe end, explode, whatever?"

            "Yeah, weren't you listening before?"

            Jynethe wasn't even listening now. She leant back in her seat. "Wow, that's gonna be one hell of a show."

            Mithborien grinned. "You have no idea."

            "Okay," Finarfëwen said. "I'll buy that. But explain these clothes."

            "Isn't it obvious?" Jynethe asked.

            "Obviously not," snickered Mithborien.

            "It's simple, we came here, decided our clothes weren't suitable, so went back and changed them. Right?" She turned to Mithborien.

            "Right."

            Jynethe turned back to Finarfëwen. "Right."

            Finarfëwen frowned for a moment. "But why wouldn't our previous clothes be unsuitable. I wouldn't care."

            "Let's just say people tend to dress up a tad here," Mithborien said. "After all, it's the last chance they'll get."

            "True," Finarfëwen agreed. "Hey, the waiter's back."

            They all looked up to see the thing, the waiter actually, in his green suit making it's way towards their seats.

            He bowed. "If you please, your table is ready."

            Mithborien nodded. "We'll be right there." She picked up three shots of Aldebaran liqueur and handed them out. She held up her glass and toasted, "To the end of the universe!"

            "Cheerz," Jynethe and Finarfëwen chorused and all three threw back their heads as they drowned down the shots. Then all three launched into a coughing fit.

            "We gotta stop doing that," Finarfëwen struggled.

            "Oh yeah," Jynethe choked out.

            "Right," Mithborien said dragging her head upright again. She threw the glass over her head and saw it shatter against the head of a wild-skinned sky-gypsy who was playing an electric violin. "Damn. I was aiming for the violin." She shook her head and waved at the others. "Let's go, the end awaits."

            She started walking towards the patiently waiting waiter, staggering slightly from the effects of the drink.

            Jynethe turned to Finarfëwen. "That sounded slightly morbid."

            "Yeah," she replied and grabbed Jynethe's arm. "Let's go anyway."


	4. Wow, who the hell is that?

The End of the Universe for just one Decent meal 

By The Insanities

~*~*~*~

Wow, who the hell is that? 

~*~*~*~

"Whoa!" Mithborien said, as she stood in awe at the main golden dome of the restaurant.

            "I'll say," Jynethe agreed as she came to stand next to Mithborien.

            Finarfëwen crashed into the both of them. Hey, Aldebaran liqueur and a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster don't exactly make the best combination. "Holy hell!"

            Mithborien dragged Finarfëwen to her feet, or somewhere in the vicinity of them and told her, "I know."

            "I'll say," Jynethe said again.

            What captivated the Insanities attention, which to be honest isn't all that hard, just swing something shiny in front of them and they'll go for it. Which would explain why they couldn't take their eyes off the vista before them.

            Glitter covered every surface, which was an achievement because just about everything else was coated with jewels, precious sea shells from Santraginus, gold leaf, mosaic tiles, lizard skins and a million unidentified embellishments and decorations. Glass glittered, gold gleamed and Jynethe had to drag Finarfëwen back again before she chased after something that shone with silver.

            Swaying palms, hissing fountains and grotesque statuary littered the floor before them, where thousands of tables, it seemed, were fanned out in a large circle around a central stage where a small band was playing some light music.  Made of marble, rich ultra-mahogany, platinum or a dozen other unknown materials each of the tables seated various parties of exotic looking creatures, either laughing among themselves or perusing the menus.

            "See," Mithborien said breathlessly. "People dress up here."

            "No shit," Finarfëwen said.

            "If you will follow me," the waiter said as he wound his way through the crowd of tables.

            Jynethe, Finarfëwen and Mithborien followed a bit more slowly, taking in the sight of everything around them with some difficulty. It was quite big.

            "When I read about this, I never imagined it would be like this," Mithborien murmured.

            "Where did you read about this?" Jynethe asked curiously.

            "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy."

            "Oh."

            Finally they reached their table and sat down while the waiter scurried off to get them menus.

            "Look at all these people," Finarfëwen commented. "How did they all get here? How did they even know there was a here to get to? I mean, we had the Tardis after all."

            "It's just my guess," Mithborien said. "But probably from word of mouth. People come here, see what will happen and tell their friends. As for actually getting here, who cares?"

            Meanwhile Jynethe was looking intently around the room but had now focused on one specific thing.

            "Who? What is that?" she asked pointing to a creature with dark green rubbery skin and a high domed nose above a piggy forehead.

            "Uh, a Vogon," Mithborien said, pushing her hand away, "and, if I were you, I wouldn't point. You really don't want him to start reciting poetry now."

            "Poetry? What?"

            "Well everyone knows Vogon poetry is one of the worst in the universe, third worse actually. The second worst is from the Azgoths of Kria. After a reciting of some of their poetry some of the audience died of internal haemorrhaging or maybe they chewed their legs off. Can't remember which."

            "Sounds bad."

            "Yeah. Luckily the guy who was reciting the poetry, well his own major intestine jumped up his neck and I think… throttled his own brain. Yeah, that's it."

            "Nasty."

            "Yeah, their poetry is."

            "So whose the worst?"

            "What?"

            "You said these Askoss people…"

            "Azgoths."

            "Whatever, where the second worst. So whose the worst?"

            "Oh, I dunno. Forget, someone in Essex, England. Forget the name."

            Finarfëwen was looking at Mithborien in astonishment. "How the _hell_ do you know all that?"

            "Oh, I read it in-"

            "Lemme guess," Jynethe interrupted. "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy."

            Mithborien nodded.

            "I gotta read that some day."

            "You probably already have," Mithborien said.

            "_What?_ How can I already have read it," Jynethe exclaimed. "I'm damn sure I haven't."

            "Here's the thing," Mithborien explained. "The tenses get screwed up a lot here. So theoretically at this point in time you probably have read it, but not yet."

            She was then confronted with two blank looks.

            Mithborien groaned and said, "Read _Time Traveler's Handbook of 1001 Tense Formations_. It'll explain everything."

            "Why would we want to do that?" Finarfëwen asked.

            Mithborien shrugged. "Don't ask me, you probably already have."

            Finarfëwen blinked and turned to Jynethe. "I'm confuzzled."

            Luckily Jynethe was spared from having to answer… or will be spared… or… oh, screw it, who gives a frell… by the waiter returning with their menus.

            "What is all this stuff?" Finarfëwen asked as she scanned the list of meals. "I've never even heard of this food."

            "Same here," Jynethe said. "What about you, Mithborien?"

            She didn't answer at first but turned her menus upside down, looked at it for a few moments, turned it the right way up again. "Nope, still doesn't make sense."

            "Right," Finarfëwen said. "Weren't you the one who said you wanted to come here for a decent meal?"

            "Probably, but I never said decent for who."

            Finarfëwen's sigh was drowned out by the approach of the waiter again. "Have the ladies decided what they would like to order yet?"

            All three exchanged blank looks.

            "Uh, we'll each have the… uh, daily special," Jynethe finally responded.

            "Ahh, excellent choice. The Hemallect's are just spawning." He then collected their menus and scurried away.

            "Did he just say spawning?" Finarfëwen asked.

            "Yep," replied Mithborien.

            "What did _you_ do," Finarfëwen screamed at Jynethe, who was saved from being strangled by the appearance of a tall brilliantly coloured figure on stage. A spotlight illuminated him as he grabbed the microphone with a long fingered hand and waited for the applause to die down. He turned to the audience and a smiled a smile than seemed to stretch beyond his long thin face. 

            "Thank you, ladies and gentleman!" he cried with twinkling eyes. "Thank you very, very much. My guests, the Universe as we know it has been in existence for over one hundred and seventy thousand million billion years and will be ending in little over half an hour. So, welcome one and all, or two and all, depends on who you're with, to Milliways, the Restaurant at the end of the Universe!"

            Another round of applause washed over him, which he silenced with a deft gesture.

            "I am Max Quordlepleen, your host for tonight and I will be with you right through this final historical occasion, the End of History itself."

            "Thank god for that," muttered Finarfëwen.

            "It's OmiGod," corrected Mithborien.

            The light in the restaurant dimmed down, and the candles on every table ignited themselves.

            "Whoa," murmured Jynethe.

            "I gotta learn how to do that," said Finarfëwen, agreeing with Jynethe's 'whoa'.

            "So, ladies and gentlemen," Max breathed, "the candles are lit, the band plays softly, and as the force-shielded dome above us fades into transparency, revealing a dark and sullen sky hung heavy with the ancient light of lived swollen stars, I can see we're all in for a fabulous evening's apocalypse."

            The band's music faded away as the three Insanities looked up in shock. A monstrous grisly light poured hideously down upon them, full of boiling, pestilential luminance that would have disfigured hell itself.

            The Universe was coming to an end.

            "This is wic-ked," said Mithborien in the silence of the restaurant.

            "For those of you who ever hoped to see the light at the end or the tunnel," Max continued softly, "this is it."

            The band struck up again with a jaunty little tune that broke the monotony of the continuing silence.

            "Thank you ladies and gentlemen," cried Max. "I'll be back with you again in just a moment, and meanwhile I leave you in the very capable hands of Mr Reg Nullify and his Cataclysmic Combo. Take it away, Reg!"


	5. The End of the Universe

The End of the Universe for just one Decent meal 

By The Insanities

~*~*~*~

The End of the Universe 

~*~*~*~

Jynethe tentatively poked the tentacle with her fork, while Finarfëwen glared at her plate as she said, "What the _hell_ is this?"

            The waiter had brought their meals to them when Reg and his Combo had started playing again. Unfortunately what he brought was three plates of a bubbling, purple tentacled mass with what appeared to be lettuce leaves sticking out of it. However all three Insanities were suspicious enough to trust the fact that it probably wasn't lettuce.

            "So this is what a Hemallect is," Mithborien said as she leant back from her plate in disgust.

            Finarfëwen looked up. "We didn't need to know that."

            "We really didn't need to know that," Jynethe commented then shrieked as a tentacle slipped of her plate.

            "Yeah well whose fault is that," Finarfëwen shot back. "You were the one who ordered this crap."

            "Not on purpose. I would rather starve than eat this."

            "Same here," said Mithborien as she dumped her plate into a conveniently nearby palm tree.

            "Again, weren't you the one who wanted a decent meal here?" Finarfëwen asked with a tilt of her head.

            Mithborien froze, and then abruptly her eyes lit up. "There's always desert."

            "Amen," said Jynethe, also tipping her plate into a palm tree.

            Finarfëwen looked at both of them for a second then shrugged and threw her plate over her head, winced as she heard it crash with someone or something's head and their resultant scream of outrage. Luckily she was saved from having to own up to the deed by the reappearance of Max onstage again.

            "Now, ladies and gentlemen," he said with a flourish, "is everyone having one last wonderful time?"

            A resounding cheer of yes resounded from the audience.

            "That's wonderful," exclaimed Max. "Now as the photons storms gather in swirling crowds around us, preparing to tear apart the last of the red hot suns, I know you are all going to settle back and enjoy with me what I know we will all find an immensely exciting and terminal experience."

            "Terminal?" Finarfëwen hissed.

            "Shoosh," Mithborien hissed as well. "It's only his act."

            "Believe me, ladies and gentlemen," Max continued. "There is nothing penultimate about this one." 

            He paused. "This really is the absolute end, the final chilling desolation, in which the whole majestic sweep of creation becomes extinct. This, ladies and gentlemen, is the proverbial 'it'.

            "After this," he said, lowering is voice to a deathly intonation, "there is nothing. Void. Emptiness. Oblivion. Absolute nothing…"

            Max's eyes glittered as he looked around at his spell bound audience.

            "Nothing… except of course for the sweet trolley, and a fine selection of Aldebaran liqueurs!"

            The band did a little music sting as the audience laughed.

            Mithborien nudged the other two. "See," she said. "Sweets!"

            "And for once," Max cried cheerily, "you don't need to worry about having a hangover in the morning – because there won't be any more mornings!"

            The audience laughed again as Finarfëwen said, "I am so down with that."

            "And now," he said as he swaggered along the stage, "at the risk of putting a damper on the wonderful sense of doom and futility here this evening, I would like to welcome a few parties."

            "Now let's see, I think we have a couple of special guests here tonight." Max pulled a card out from inside his jacket. "Ah yes, here again I see. Do we have a party of minor deities from the Halls of the Asgard?"

            To his right a rumble of thunder announced a flash of lightning, which illuminated a small group of hairy men with helmets who raised their glasses to Max.

            "Asgard?" Finarfëwen's were wide open. "Did he say Asgard?"

            "Yeah," replied Jynethe.

            Finarfëwen looked towards the group of minor deities and back to her friends. "Those aren't the Asgard. The Asgard are little grey men, not little hairy men."

            Mithborien looked equally confused. "Maybe it's the Asgard when they pretend to be gods to fool the lesser races. Like on that planet, remember?"

            "No," Jynethe said.

            "Possibly," said Finarfëwen. "Still rather suspicious."

            "And now do we have…' Max continued his welcoming. "Are Insanities here with us?"

            All three Insanities froze as their name was read out.

            "Huh?" said Finarfëwen and Jynethe together.

            "Well where are they?" Max asked again.

            Mithborien tentatively raised a hand. "Uh, over here," she called out.

            "There we are," Max said, returning the wave. "Still insane as ever, we've all heard of you three."

            "Uh, yeah sure," Mithborien replied. "Some things never change."

            "Indeed," Max replied with a grin then turned to another part of the audience.

            "We've all heard of you!?" Jynethe inquired.

            "You heard him," Finarfëwen said."

            "How? Only we have heard of us."

            "I guess that changed in the future," Mithborien said slowly. "Cause he knew who we were."

            "Don't you mean are?" Jynethe asked.

            "No, were. Past tense remember."

            Max meanwhile had returned to the centre of the stage and sat upon an artfully placed stool. "It's marvelous, you know," he continued with his commentary, "to see so many of you here tonight. Absolutely marvelous, because I know that so may of you come here time and time again, which is simple wonderful, don't you think? To come and watch this final end of everything and then return home to your own eras… raise families, strive for new and better societies-"

            "Whatever," scoffed Mithborien.

            "-fight terrible wars for what you know to be right… it really gives you hope for the future of all life kind. Except of course," he gestured at the blazing turmoil above, "that we know it hasn't got one…"

            Directly above the Insanities and all around them, the sky burst into multitudes of various horrors.

            Finarfëwen and Jynethe were all staring at it riveted, however Mithborien was twisting her neck behind her to stare at a group of people weaving their way through the tables with a slight frown on her face.

            Distinctly she heard their conversation waft over to her.

            "… what about the End of the Universe?" Arthur Dent complained. "We'll miss the big moment."

            "I've seen it. It's rubbish," said Zaphod Beeblebrox, "nothing but a gnab gib."

            "A what?"

            "Opposite of a big bang. Come on let's get zappy."

            "Hey, wasn't that…" Mithborien's question trailed away as she realized the other Insanities weren't listening properly.

            "Yeah," said Jynethe.

            "Whatever," said Finarfëwen.

            "An interesting effect to watch for," Max, meanwhile was telling them, "is in the upper left-hand quadrant of the sky, where if you look very carefully you can see the star system Hastromil boiling away into the ultra-violet. Anyone here from Hastromil?"

            There was a slightly hesitant cheer from the table next to them.

            "Well," said Max with a cheerful grin, "it's too late to worry about whether you left the gas on now."

            Mithborien chuckled slightly to herself, shrugged and leant back in her chair to watch the universe end, for the god knows how many time.

            It was really g-


End file.
